From calling himself the Special One to slating Wenger, Jose Mourinho is the king of one-liners

Jose Mourinho has a long history of taking no prisoners when it comes to his press conferences.

Mesut Ozil became his latest victim on Tuesday after the Arsenal outcast said he would rather retire than sign a contract with Mourinho’s Spurs.

While the Arsenal midfielder, who has been left out of Mikel Arteta’s plans completely this season, was simply showing club loyalty, Mourinho showed he still has a savage streak in him.

Jose Mourinho responded to Mesut Ozil's retirement jibe with a quick one-liner on Tuesday

Jose Mourinho responded to Mesut Ozil’s retirement jibe with a quick one-liner on Tuesday

The Arsenal outcast claimed he would rather retire than sign for Mourinho's Spurs side

The Arsenal outcast claimed he would rather retire than sign for Mourinho’s Spurs side

‘Who told him that Tottenham were interested in signing him?’ Mourinho hit back when asked about the comment.

You may be hard pressed to find many that have come out on top when it comes to verbal volleys with Mourinho and he continues to be the king of the witty one-liners.

But what are some of his best press conference zingers from years gone by? Here are some of the best retorts from self-proclaimed Special One.

Luxury cars

‘Why drive an Aston Martin all the time when I have a Ferrari and Porsche as well? That would be stupid.’

After establishing himself at Chelsea back in 2004, Mourinho had the selection headache of who would play out on the wing, with Joe Cole, Arjen Robben and Damien Duff all fighting for a spot in the Blues’ stacked starting XI.

While he was questioned on who would come out on top, Mourinho cleverly used the luxury car analogy to convey how he saw the team selection situation. 

Mourinho described Arjen Robben (left), Damian Duff (right) and Joe Cole as luxury cars

Mourinho described Arjen Robben (left), Damian Duff (right) and Joe Cole as luxury cars

You’re a wizard, Jose

‘Look, I’m a coach. I’m not Harry Potter. He is magical, but in reality, there is no magic. Magic is fiction and football is real.’

Following a goalless draw with Mallorca in his first game in charge of Real Madrid, Mourinho warned fans that he is no magician and that they shouldn’t expect trophies at the wave of a wand.

He would go on to win three trophies during a three-year stint at Madrid but it wasn’t exactly spell-binding. 

The Portuguese boss warned Real Madrid fans he wasn't a magician upon his arrival at the club

The Portuguese boss warned Real Madrid fans he wasn’t a magician upon his arrival at the club

Ranieri getting lost in translation

‘I studied Italian five hours a day for many months to ensure I could communicate with the players, media and fans. Ranieri had been in England for five years and still struggled to say ‘good morning’ and ‘good afternoon.’

Having taken his job at Chelsea, Mourinho and Ranieri became rivals in Serie A when the former joined Inter with the latter coach at Juventus. 

It didn’t take long for former translator Jose to bring up his superior language skills, which would spark a decade-long rivalry between the pair.

Mourinho mocked Claudio Ranieri's (right) poor grasp of the English language back in 2008

Mourinho mocked Claudio Ranieri’s (right) poor grasp of the English language back in 2008

Tough love for Carvalho 

‘Ricardo Carvalho seems to have problems understanding things, maybe he should have an IQ test, or go to a mental hospital or something.’ 

Mourinho had harsh words too for Chelsea defender Ricardo Carvalho when he spoke out after being dropped in August 2005. The Portuguese centre back was left out of the starting XI following an injury lay-off which prompted the criticism of his boss.

They seemed to have patched things up, though, with Carvalho managing to fight his way back into the Chelsea side before following his compatriot to Real Madrid.

Mourinho harshly said Ricardo Carvalho (left) should check himself into a 'mental hospital'

Mourinho harshly said Ricardo Carvalho (left) should check himself into a ‘mental hospital’

Not a fan of nine-goal thrillers 

‘That was not a football score, it was a hockey score… in training I often play matches of three against three and when the score reaches 5-4 I send the players back to the dressing room, because they are not defending properly.’

For the neutrals, a 5-4 scoreline is exactly what you’re hoping to see on the weekend but for it to come in a North London derby, the match became an instant classic.  

Mourinho wasn’t impressed, though, and pointed out that Arsene Wenger and Martin Jol – managers at Arsenal and Tottenham at the time – should be concerned with the amount of goals their teams were leaking.

Mourinho was left unimpressed by the defensive display during Arsenal's 5-4 win over Spurs

Mourinho was left unimpressed by the defensive display during Arsenal’s 5-4 win over Spurs

Specialist in failure

‘If he is right and I am afraid of failure it is because I didn’t fail many times. Eight years without silverware, that’s failure. He’s a specialist in failure. If I do that in Chelsea, eight years, I leave and don’t come back.’

After six years’ peace, Wenger was back in Mourinho’s firing line when he returned to Chelsea. While Mourinho is often light-hearted and witty with his responses, he can be quite scathing, as Wenger found out.

In February 2014, when told about Wenger’s comment on managers playing down their title chances over a ‘fear to fail’, Mourinho wasted no time highlighting Arsenal’s trophy drought. Later that year, fans would see Wenger infamously shove Mourinho at Stamford Bridge as tempers boiled over. 

Arsene Wenger (left) was infamously branded as a 'specialist in failure' by Mourinho in 2014

Arsene Wenger (left) was infamously branded as a ‘specialist in failure’ by Mourinho in 2014

Small blanket at Chelsea

‘It is like having a blanket that is too small for the bed. You pull the blanket up to keep your chest warm and your feet stick out. I cannot buy a bigger blanket because the supermarket is closed. But I am content because the blanket is cashmere. It is no ordinary blanket.’

Back in 2007, Chelsea were going through somewhat of an injury crisis, which left Mourinho short when it came to selecting a squad.

The situation saw Mourinho come out with one of his best analogies to date, brilliantly describing the strong points and shortfalls of the Blues squad he had at that moment.

The Portuguese boss used a small blanket analogy to describe a injury crisis at Chelsea in 2007

The Portuguese boss used a small blanket analogy to describe a injury crisis at Chelsea in 2007

I am a special one

‘We have top players and, sorry if I’m arrogant, we have a top manager. Please don’t call me arrogant, but I’m European champion and I think I’m a special one.’

You can’t write a list of Mourinho’s best one-liners and not include his famous special one quote. In his first press conference as Chelsea manager back in 2004, a star was born.

The Portuguese boss, who had just won the Champions League with Porto, introduced himself to the English press as ‘a special one’ and the name has stuck ever since. It’s arguably his most famous quote as a coach and is up there with one of the best one-liners in the sport’s history.

A star was born when Mourinho described himself as 'a special one' after arriving at Chelsea

A star was born when Mourinho described himself as ‘a special one’ after arriving at Chelsea

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