Psychologists say having the same ‘touch language’ is the key to a happy marriage – take the test to learn yours

If you’ve been on TikTok recently, you’ve probably heard of love languages.

A popular term with social media’s favorite couples counsellors, it operates on the idea that each person has an ideal way to communicate their love. 

These expressions fall broadly into five different categories spanning from verbal affirmations to gifts. 

But there might be more languages for you and your partner to learn, according to social psychologist Sara Nasserzadeh. 

In her new book, entitled ‘Love by Design: 6 Ingredients to Build a Lifetime of love’, she sets up the framework for a so-called ‘touch lexicon’. 

This essentially means that different types of intimate touch between partners could act as different lines of communication.

Psychologist Sara Nasserzadeh says that establishing a shared ‘touch language’ is key for a long lasting, happy relationship

For instance, for one couple, a squeeze on the hand might be a marker of affection. But for another, it could be recognition of hurt feelings. 

A soft kiss could be a meaningless greeting when you come home from work for some, but for others, it could be a sign of sexual desire. 

Equally, one partner could associate certain behaviors, like kissing a forehead or rubbing the others’ back, with unhappy memories from childhood.  

While this may seem intuitive, Nasserzadeh said it’s important to determine what your partner feels with these different kinds of touches so that you can build up a mutual vocabulary. 

Then, you can begin touching, or speaking, in the same language. 

This concept draws on the widely accepted view that physical communication plays a key role in the health of most relationships. One recent international study laid out the importance of physical touch in nurturing love in a relationship. 

A psychologist has revealed exactly how you can discover the touch language you share with your partner

Relationships with varied and frequent touching had stronger feelings of love, across all the cultures they tested, the paper, published in the journal Scientific Reports, said. 

Nasserzadeh, who according to her website, also works as a relationship consultant, said in her book that touches are, ‘powerful connectors and reminders of the unique erotic potential in your relationship.’

But just knowing about this concept doesn’t immediately make you a touch translator. 

In order to figure out what works for you and your special someone, she advised that you and your partner should partake in a small test.

In an excerpt from her book, which was published on the wellness website Goop, Nasserzadeh recommended taking time alone with your partner to go through an exercise. 

Each partner should touch the other in different ways, such as on the arm, or lips, or different body parts, and with different intensities, taking turns. After the touch, the receiver should explain how it felt to them. 

During the exercise, ask yourself and your partner seven key questions (below), and make a mental note of the answers. 

This information can the guide you both when it comes to touching each other in different ways; you know what type of touch will be helpful in specific situations.