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90min’s definitive European power rankings 2022/23

Would you believe we’re only a third of the way into October’s manic month of club football?

And yet there’s still one big story dominating footballing world – Erling Haaland bloody loves a goal.

He’ll score against your club, he’ll score against my club, at some point he’ll probably get bored and score against his own club to make things a little more competitive.

This week’s power rankings are brought to you by what Haaland could possibly have against your team that means he’s going to rip them to shreds sooner or later.

Neymar Jr

Any danger of some wins? / Jean Catuffe/GettyImages

How many goals has Haaland scored against them? 2
What would Haaland have against PSG? A 20-year feud with Kylian Mbappe for the Ballon d’Or

A team featuring Lionel Messi, Mbappe and Neymar played twice last week.

They drew both games.

You’re on red alert, PSG. If you don’t sort it out this week then there are plenty of in-form teams waiting to take your place.

Brahim Abdelkader DiazRafael Leao

Put your shirt on Brahim, this is a family website / Giuseppe Bellini/GettyImages

How many goals has Haaland scored against them? 2
What would Haaland have against Milan? A Scandinavian feud with his pre-gen, Zlatan Ibrahimovic

If you could ignore their thrashing at Chelsea in midweek for a second, it would really help to make the case that Milan deserve to rise in these rankings.

Stefano Pioli’s men easily swept aside Juventus in Serie A to reignite their title defence and inflict another blow to their bitter rivals.

Bundesliga"Borussia Dortmund v FC Bayern München"

Scenes / ANP/GettyImages

How many goals has Haaland scored against them? 1
What would Haaland have against Dortmund? They didn’t name the Yellow Wall after him upon his departure

If you haven’t watched the frantic finish to Saturday’s Der Klassiker, go and load it up on YouTube.

Come for Anthony Modeste’s deserved 95th-minute equaliser, stay for Bayern Munich legend Oliver Kahn acting like a petulant child who’s been told they aren’t having McDonald’s for dinner.

Graham Potter

Golden Graham there, looking like a cardboard cutout / Craig Mercer/MB Media/GettyImages

How many goals has Haaland scored against them? 0
What would Haaland have against Chelsea? Rory Jennings’ outrageous prediction

Graham Potter is making moves with his new Chelsea side.

By that I mean he’s managed to get them onto this prestigious list for the first time this season. 3-0 wins against Milan and Wolves are secondary.

Paul Jaeckel, Julian Ryerson

Union are flying / Adam Pretty/GettyImages

How many goals has Haaland scored against them? 4
What would Haaland have against Union? Nothing, which probably makes it even worse

Welcome back to the boys from Berlin.

After a rough few weeks, Union secured tight 1-0 wins against Malmo and Stuttgart to breathe fresh life into their European campaign and maintain their lead atop the Bundesliga.

Five of their next six games come at home. They could be here for a while.

Eder Militao, Luka Modric, Antonio Rudiger

Real keep rolling / Denis Doyle/GettyImages

How many goals has Haaland scored against them? 0
What would Haaland have against Real Madrid? Their long-running pursuit of Mbappe instead

It still feels like Real Madrid are yet to fully click into gear this season, and yet they’ve still won 11 of their 12 games so far this term.

Football ‘eritage.

Marc Andre Ter Stegen

Ter Stegen getting treatment on his back from carrying Barcelona / Soccrates Images/GettyImages

How many goals has Haaland scored against them? 0
What would Haaland have against Barcelona? Why did they try to bankrupt themselves with so many other players and not him?

Marc-Andre ter Stegen has saved 19 of the 20 shots he’s faced in La Liga this season.

That’s a bit too good, if you ask me. I could do that, I just don’t want to.

Matteo Politano

Is that Tanguy Ndombele struggling to run in the background? / Francesco Scaccianoce/GettyImages

How many goals has Haaland scored against them? 0
What would Haaland have against Napoli? Diego Maradona stands between him and becoming the best player of all time

What happens when serial chokers Napoli team up with a serial choker in manager Luciano Spalletti? You get one fast start to the season, baby.

The Partenopei hype train will surely run out of steam at some point, but hey, it’s a fun ride for now.

Gabriel Martinelli

Arsenal mean business / Justin Setterfield/GettyImages

How many goals has Haaland scored against them? 0
What would Haaland have against Arsenal? They’re the only team fighting Manchester City for the Premier League title

Every week Arsenal face ‘their biggest test yet’, and every week they win.

They may be top of the Premier League table, but a certain goalscoring freak is keeping them from the number one spot on this far more prestigious list.

Erling Haaland

He has to be plotting pre-venge at this point / Marc Atkins/GettyImages

How many goals has Haaland scored against them? 0
What would Haaland have against Manchester City? His statue hasn’t been built yet

Manchester City scored three times against Southampton on Saturday before Haaland got in on the act.

That must have been a scary 65 minutes for the 27 million people who captained him on FPL.

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