This week our Real Housewives of Salt Lake City are trying to turn back time and become pioneers. Let’s start churning some butter and find out who needs to be tossed out of the wagon!
Heather speaks with her daughter Ashley on the phone about the book party. She mentions how she and Lisa had a moment. Heather is no longer triggered by Jack going on his mission. She tells Ashley that Lisa even wrote a rap for her event, which she appreciated. Heather mentions she is planning a pioneer event for the ladies to bring them back to the olden days of Mormonism. I am glad this storyline is finally put to rest about Jack’s mission. We now know Jack’s trip has been delayed since he is in San Diego awaiting his travel documents.
Monica is chatting with her daughter, Bri. She asks about her prom plans, and Bri remembers Monica was prom queen at hers. Monica cannot wait to show her old photo albums but especially wants to share the photos of Bri’s father — since Linda not surprisingly destroyed her own dad’s photos. She sadly recalls being married to Bri’s dad for a year and finding baby Bri playing with a bag of Oxycontin. Monica grabbed her baby and ran from this dangerous situation. She met Michael who not only helped raise Bri but also adopted her. Side note: I have a theory on why that marriage did not work with Michael. Monica does not know how to have a healthy relationship based upon her past with her mom and sabotages them when she gets bored — hence banging the BIL.
Angie — wearing a shiny metallic top — and Shawn finally have a date night at a place that looks like a bistro. She looks really overdressed for this place, and Shawn is dressed casually but appropriately. Angie feels really disconnected from him now since they had their daughter. She is surprised Shawn listens to country, and she just likes to listen to the Humpty Dance. Shawn does agree they are not connecting right now, and Angie cries while he acknowledges it #awkward.
Lisa, who is oblivious to a boulder in Heather’s driveway, bangs up her car. Heather tells Lisa that she is happy they are in a good place, and she wants to get away to somewhere tropical like Bermuda. She mentions that Monica used to go to Bermuda with her grandma, but she told her she needed to apologize to Lisa first. Lisa claims to want nothing from Monica and is not interested in anything to do with her. Side note: Are the ladies scheming to try to lose Monica in the Bermuda Triangle so she will never return to RHOSLC?
Whitney meets Angie at a bar to catch up. Angie likes that they are finally getting some girl time. She shares that she and Shawn are struggling with their marriage. Angie admits that they do not make time to be with each other and only “knock boots” once a week. She misses what they had in the past, and I suspect these two are not knocking anything right now. Whitney mentions that she and Justin are not the same people they were 14 years ago. She does not think that it is natural to be monogamous. It now makes sense why these two with their boring relationship issues were relegated to the end of the couches at the reunion.
Meredith and Seth are interviewing Whitney and Justin for their podcast. Seth, of course, is the one to ask where’s the weirdest place they ever had sex. Whit lets them know it was in Justin’s office while she hid under his desk with the HR manager in the office. Justin probably lost his job for this situation as well as the semi-naked body painting on TV. Whitney thinks the hardest time in their marriage was when Justin’s dad died, and she was the one who held his hand when he passed away. She is willing to help Justin since he stands up for her all the time.
We have arrived at Heather’s pioneer luncheon, and it appears to be at a farm. They all must wear bonnets and aprons for this event. Meredith is wearing pants that are a foot too long, which obviously are not appropriate for a farm. Lisa arrives in sky-high heels and shrieks in panic when she sees they might have to dress up in something unflattering. Whitney arrives, and she can’t believe Heather is going back in time after resenting her Mormon journey all season.
Monica strolls in and comes in peace, telling Lisa, “Hello,” but she is ignored. Angie comes in overdressed as usual with her pimp coat, and Heather slaps a bonnet on her styled hair. They then do some butter churning by shaking the jar for six minutes, and Meredith is really enjoying jerking this bottle. Whitney thinks this is the weirdest day of her life watching this scene play out. They all then make creepy dolls out of garbage. I bet you cannot guess who had a scarlet letter on their doll.
They finally sit down to eat, and it is at least civil — for now. Heather now wants to play, “Who do you want to throw off your wagon?” Lisa gets to go first (of course) and throws Monica off her wagon since she is mean to women. She lets Monica know that she does not like how she compares her own mother to Bundy, but she confuses Bundy for Dahmer. Monica (playground bully) then retorts with a childish, “You are so ugly!” Lisa (mean girl) then tells Monica, “There is nothing uglier than a liar.” It is like watching a duo of Holly Hobbies behave badly on the playground, and I cannot take either one seriously.
Heather tells Monica she is acting crazy and to stop with the name-calling. Angie gets involved, and she looks like she is channeling Nellie from Little House on the Prairie. She tries to be dramatic and throws down her butter jar to shatter this negative interaction. Monica says the hypocrisy is unreal with this group, but she refuses to recognize her part in the same behavior.
Monica does not want to go to Bermuda and feels that this event was a gang-up on her. Lisa approaches and surprises the sh*t out of me, saying, “If you need for me to acknowledge that your mom’s not nice to you, I’m sorry, and by me saying, ‘I saw her being nice,’ does not mean I negate any of your feelings.” She really wants to go to Bermuda but needs to clear the air. Monica apologizes for calling Lisa ugly, and it appears it has blown over until they make it back to the table.
Heather tries to get Monica to announce their destination, telling them they need a foreign passport. Lisa guesses the location when she hears an island with pink sand and seashells. Monica tells them the tiny little skull signifies that they are all going to hell to the devil’s triangle where they all belong. She tells them she is spent after she spews her negative rant and does not want to go on a trip with them. Heather states to Monica her evil energy is off, and she was attacking Lisa in full force. In Monica’s confessional, she now understands why Jen never anything had nice to say about Heather and Lisa. Monica thinks that this trip is dead like Taylor Swift said, and we get a to-be-continued. We will have to wait to see what Monica has brewed up in her cauldron for these ladies in Bermuda. Blurbers, I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
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