For once, Prince Harry is right. He’s said his father’s illness could have a reunifying effect on the family.
From my own point of view, this is 100 per cent true. My family could give the Windsors a run for their money in the dysfunctionality stakes.
Plenty of trauma, rancour and bad feeling – with repercussions that echo down the generations: infidelities, fights, denial, depression, neglect.
And yet when my father – in many ways the focus of so much of it – became seriously ill a few years ago, we rallied.
My brother and I, who, despite being very close as children, have had scant contact these past 30 years, have become if not best buddies then definitely able to communicate and work together in a kind and constructive manner.
Whereas he was once the only person I’ve ever come to physical blows with, we now exchange cheery WhatsApps and eyeroll emojis as we navigate the challenges of looking after our grumpy, ailing and almost comically ungrateful old goat of a father. He still drives me demented, but there’s no malice.
For once, Prince Harry is right. He’s said his father’s illness could have a reunifying effect on the family
When you come from a family as screwed up as mine, it’s comforting to know that even the King of England is not immune to such vicissitudes
The truth is that, perhaps a bit like Harry, the stark reality of almost losing the old man made us realise that however much we resented the way he’d behaved when we were kids, however big the mess he’d made of things, however badly he’d treated our mother, he had nevertheless shaped us as people and that, like it or not, we were inextricably connected to him – and to each other.
And that helping sort out the mess Dad seemed to have made of his (and our mother’s) life, as well as supporting him on his physical journey of recovery, was not only part of his healing process, it was also part of ours.
At the risk of sounding too Pollyanna-ish, I hope something comes of this sliver of an olive branch. If not now, soon. Before it’s too late
There was – and remains – a huge benefit to be gained from tackling the demons that drive families apart, from rising above the resentment, from not only offering forgiveness where it isn’t deserved, but also going the extra mile.
When friends congratulate me for making an effort with my father after the way he behaved, I always correct them. Not selfless but selfish, actually. Because ultimately the person who benefits most is me: I get my little brother back, I see the smile on our mother’s face, I get to see glimpses of the old man before life turned sour.
These are all moments of joy, little nuggets of emotional gold far more beneficial to me (and by extension my own children) than the icy shroud of resentment.
When my parents shuffle off this mortal coil – not, I hope, too soon – my family may close a toxic cycle that has dogged us for generations, ever since my grandfather went mad in the jungles of Burma, ever since my grandmother was sectioned for post-natal depression and given electro-shock therapy.
Parents don’t mess you up because they want to – they do it because they are repeating patterns of trauma in their own lives. You can either perpetuate that cycle or try to put a stop to it. And to do that requires compromise.
Lots of families are like this. That’s why the Royal soap opera holds such fascination. Their vulnerabilities, embarrassing, inconvenient or shameful as they may be, make them relatable.
When you come from a family as screwed up as mine, it’s comforting to know that even the King of England is not immune to such vicissitudes.
So Harry is right. Such crises can, and do, have ‘reunifying effects’ on families. But words are one thing, actions quite another. Harry may say it – but does he mean it? Does he actually understand what reunification entails? If his recent actions are anything to go by, no.
Calling his website Sussex.com and adopting the title conferred on him by the late Queen as his children’s surname is not an act of reunification. It’s a move that can only aggravate the feelings of frustration, resentment and anger between him and his family.
As for his offer of being willing to take up a temporary Royal role while the King is indisposed – again, that’s not about helping his father, it’s about helping Harry remind the world of his Royal connection.
For the thing to work, there must be sacrifices. Selflessness is a key element, as is the ability to admit where you went wrong. Acknowledging your own negative behaviour and apologising for it is an important starting point, one where Harry doesn’t seem to be.
Words aren’t enough – you must show you mean it. You also must understand that sometimes it’s not about you but about the greater good of the family.
At the risk of sounding too Pollyanna-ish, I hope something comes of this sliver of an olive branch. If not now, soon. Before it’s too late.
I don’t know why everyone is so hysterical about plans to recruit foreign dentists. I’ve only ever had one English dentist, and he was a butcher. The rest have been Italian, Asian or, like my current dentist, Mr Marwa, Middle Eastern. There’s a reason having ‘English teeth’ is considered such a joke…
Breast milk theory is just bonkers
According to the University Hospitals Sussex NHS Foundation Trust, breast milk is now termed ‘human milk’, and can be produced by both males and females, even if in the case of the former it must be drug-induced and is weak sauce compared to the real thing.
When women like me talk about our safe spaces being invaded and appropriated, it’s not just in areas where the presence of biological males puts vulnerable women in danger, or where it steals their achievements in, say, the sporting arena.
It’s situations such as these, where our identities are eroded to suit the wishes of a minority. Worse, what’s really terrifying is the idea that to support this bonkers theory, babies should be fed on this stuff. There’s only one word for such dystopian behaviour: eugenics.
Another Saturday, another pro-Palestine march. What irks me about some protesters is the fact they can’t spell. One woman was arrested for carrying a placard reading ‘Long live the intifada.’ I’m sure that’s not how you spell ‘peace’.
Another Saturday, another pro-Palestine march. What irks me about some protesters is the fact they can’t spell
‘Sleepy’ Joe Biden continues to show his unsuitability as President – with Hillary Clinton now worried about his cognitive ability. The death of Putin critic Alexei Navalny is a reminder of what’s at stake. In 2021, Biden said there would be ‘devastating consequences’ if Navalny died in jail. I wonder: does Biden now remember who Navalny was?
My favourite store no more
John Lewis has always been synonymous in my mind with motherhood. While pregnant, I browsed its prams and cots. I bought much of my baby and nursery equipment there, and nursed my children in Peter Jones.
Weekends always featured a visit to the toy department. So to discover John Lewis now offers advice to parents on how to bind their daughters’ breasts feels like the ultimate betrayal. I’ve been a loyal customer all my life. Sadly no more.
Everyone tells me that I should be watching One Day on Netflix, which of course means that I won’t.
I’m in my Griselda Blanco era now (played in the Netflix drama Griselda by Sofia Vergara)
Besides, I’m done moping around over men. I’m in my Griselda Blanco era now (played in the Netflix drama Griselda by Sofia Vergara, above).
Delays in diagnosing skin cancers because of lockdowns have led to 12,000 years of lives lost, it’s estimated. I had a dodgy mole a couple of years ago, and after much cajoling got my GP to refer me. I was told by the hospital I could have an appointment 18 months hence. That’s one way of reducing patient numbers.
If, as reported, Ant McPartlin didn’t tell his ex that he and his new wife Anne-Marie were expecting a child, he’s gone down in my estimation. He was with Lisa, his first wife, for 23 years.
If, as reported, Ant McPartlin didn’t tell his ex that he and his new wife Anne-Marie were expecting a child, he’s gone down in my estimation
She supported him through depression and drinking, and helped forge his TV career. She gave him the best years of her life – the fertile ones – yet they never had the child she longed for. The least he could have done was afford her the kindness of a call.
Has London Mayor Sadiq Khan been chatting to Harry and Meghan? What else can explain his absurdly woke new names, at a cost of more than £6million, for London Overground lines? That kind of thing might wash in Montecito, but Londoners can spot a con a mile off. Especially in an Election year.
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