Entertainment

Swifties warn Joe Alwyn to ‘count your days’ after Taylor Swift unveils brutal breakup song titles

Joe Alwyn may want to escape to a deserted island come April 19.

Taylor Swift’s fans have already begun trolling the singer’s ex-boyfriend after she unveiled the brutal track list for her forthcoming album, “The Tortured Poets Department.”

While Swift has not shared what the record is about yet, her legion of Swifties suspect songs such as “So Long, London” and “The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived” are inspired by the English actor, whom she dated from 2016 to 2023.

“Joe Alwyn count your days,” one fan wrote on X.

“Every song title from The Tortured Poets Department is bad for Joe Alwyn,” another agreed.

The pop star will release “The Tortured Poets Department” on April 19. taylorswift/Instagram
Its 17 tracks include “So Long, London” and “The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived.” taylorswift/Instagram

“joe alwyn after seeing the tracklist for the tortured poets department,” a third social media user captioned a clip of “Euphoria” star Alexia Demie asking, “Wait, is this f–king play about us?” in the HBO series.

One Swiftie quipped that Alwyn will be “entering witness protection” once the album is released, while another wrote, “just remembered that when i wake up on april 19th i will not have to endure what joe alwyn will have to endure.”

Swift, 34, announced onstage at the 2024 Grammy Awards on Sunday that she has been secretly working on her 11th studio album for the past two years.

Swift announced the album at the 2024 Grammys. Getty Images
She shared that she has been working on it for two years. AFP via Getty Images

She then revealed the titles of its 17 tracks via social media on Monday, which also include “My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys,” “But Daddy I Love Him” and “I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can).”

“The Tortured Poets Department” features collaborations with Post Malone (“Fortnight”) and Florence and the Machine (“Florida!!!”).


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Swift and Alwyn, 32, broke up last spring after six years together.

The singer and Alwyn dated from 2016 to 2023. Edward Opi / SplashNews.com
She is now in a relationship with Chiefs player Travis Kelce. AP

The pop superstar has since moved on with NFL player Travis Kelce, who shared on Monday that he has “heard some of” his girlfriend’s new album.

“It is unbelievable,” the Kansas City Chiefs tight end, also 34, teased during a press conference. “I can’t wait for her to shake up the world when it finally drops.”

Swift and Kelce started dating over the summer and went public with their romance in September.

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