Taylor Swift has spent nearly two decades writing songs about her past relationships.
Since her debut album was released in 2007, right up until her most recent Eras Tour, she has sung about finding love, getting her heart broken, starting fresh, and every step along the way.
The 34-year-old has also enjoyed relationships with a string of high-profile lovers, with Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce at the top of her list after splitting from British actor Joe Alwyn earlier this year.
Fans have long theorized that certain albums are directly inspired by certain ex-beaus, including John Mayer (Speak Now), Jake Gyllenhaal (Red), and Harry Styles (1989).
However, psychologists and behavior experts have told DailyMail.com that Taylor’s extensive discography may point toward an anxious attachment style and ‘toxic and self-destructive’ behavior.
Taylor’s relationship with Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce, 34 has been widely publicized
Fans and experts have long speculated about Taylor Swift’s attachment style. Psychologists told DailyMail.com they believe her music is aligned with anxious or avoidant attachment
Although none of the experts here have worked with the popstar directly, all have studied the romantic-themed lyrics in her songs.
The topic of attachment styles has generated much attention on social media over the past few years – as more millennial and Gen Z users engage in psychological therapy.
So-called attachment theory is a nearly century-old idea from psychologists John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth that examines how infanthood and early childhood relationships impact relationships throughout your life – particularly romantic ones.
There are thought to be ‘styles’ of attachment: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized.
For example, if your parents were attentive and reliable, you are more likely to develop a secure attachment style.
This means you don’t live in fear of being abandoned by a partner, or push people away to avoid getting hurt.
However, if parents were distant, there is a higher risk of developing an insecure attachment style, such as anxious or avoidant.
Dayana Romero, a registered psychotherapist and dating coach in Canada, said that Taylor Swift’s music showcases anxious attachment
Dr Melissa A Fabello, a relationship coach in California, told DailyMail.com: ‘All insecure attachment styles start similarly: with trauma in childhood. Among other factors, how caregivers respond – or attune – to children has an impact on how we organize ourselves psychologically.’
‘That is, we learn to respond to the world around us based on how we best feel safe. If you have an insecure attachment style, it will show up in her relationships.’
This shapes how you approach relationships, especially romantic ones.
Online, the debate regarding Taylor Swift’s attachment style has rumbled on for several years among her fans.
On Reddit, a thread with hundreds of thousands of comments seems to conclude that the 34 year-old’s attachment style is anxious.
People with this type of attachment often feel insecure in their relationships.
Even if they still feel close to and supported by their partners, they are plagued with fears of abandonment and mistrust, as well as low self-esteem.
The hallmark symptom is hyperactivation, which involves constantly looking for signs that your partner is going to leave you. Someone with anxious attachment might also repeatedly ask for reassurance, think small problems could threaten the entire relationship, look for signs that their partner is pulling away, or assume their partner doesn’t care about them.
An anxious attachment style has been associated with mental health difficulties, as well as feeling like you’re losing control in daily life, according to a 2015 study in the journal Frontiers in Psychology.
‘I’ve always loved Taylor Swift, and it’s wild to me how many of her songs are literally taken from my thoughts/attachment theory,’ the original poster wrote.
‘Delicate is literally about that beginning feeling of relationship fragility. hoax verbatim says “my smoking gun”!! Tolerate it 100% sounds like an anxious-avoidant relationship.’
The posted highlights lyrics such as, ‘I notice everything you do or don’t do’ from the song Tolerate It, on her ninth studio album, Evermore.
User azafrann wrote: ‘It would appear that a lot of pop culture romanticism is centered highly on anxious and avoidant dynamics.’
‘I wouldn’t be surprised, considering how much older guys like John Mayer and Jake Gyllenhaal screwed with her head in her early 20s,’ user smittydoodle said.
The singer famously dated popstar John Mayer in 2009 for several months, followed by movie star Jake Gyllenhall in 2010.
Taylor and actor Jake Gyllenhaal, 42, dated briefly in 2010. In the extended version of the album’s song All Too Well, Taylor hits out at men who date younger women with the lyric: ‘I’ll get older while your lovers stay my age’. Fans have speculated it is about her relationship with Gyllenhaal
Weirdsconce said they wondered if Taylor had an anxious attachment style and listed several lyrics from songs on the 2019 album Lover that they felt were indicative of it. One of these examples included snippets from The Archer: ‘Combat, I’m ready for combat / help me hold on to you / who could ever leave me, darling? / Who could stay?’
Lachlan Brown, a behavioral psychologist and founder of therapy platform HackSpirit, told DailyMail.com: ‘Analyzing the lyrics of Taylor Swift’s songs is enough to assume that she has an anxious attachment style.’
‘Her frequent references to intense emotional connections and the pain of separation are in line with an anxious attachment, which is characterized by a strong desire for closeness, often paired with a fear of being abandoned.’
Dr Amira Williams, a sex therapist at Let’s Talk Sex, told DailyMail.com: ‘If we dissect Swift’s discography, it becomes worryingly apparent that her lyrics often reflect this attachment style. For instance, in Teardrops On My Guitar, she confesses that her love interest is all she thinks about at night, indicating an obsessive tendency associated with anxious attachment.’
‘In Forever & Always, she anxiously waits for a phone call that never comes – another sign of this attachment style. Then there’s Red, which is filled with raw emotion and heartbreak.’
Claire Law, a relational psychotherapist and lead contributor at Hollydog Blog, pointed to the songs Out of the Woods, Dancing with Our Hands Tied, Breathe, This is Me Trying, and Dear John. ‘In each of these, there are clear depictions of anxiety, worry, and abandonment fears,’ Ms Law told DailyMail.com.
‘In “Dancing With Our Hands Tied” the lyrics discuss being bound together but still afraid of getting too close. For anxiously attached individuals, intimacy can increase worries of loss.’
Taylor and Joe Jonas dated for just three months, but she wrote songs about how she thought they would be together forever. Psychologists said that is a sign of anxious attachment
Earlier this year, Taylor and longtime partner Joe Alwyn broke up after six years together. They had generally kept their relationship private
Taylor also tends to sing about heavy emotions in relationships, even if she’s only been dating someone for a short period of time.
Dayana Romero, a registered psychotherapist and dating coach in Canada, used Taylor’s short fling with Jonas Brothers star Joe Jonas in 2008, when Taylor was just 18, as an example.
After that three-month relationship, she wrote Forever and Always, which she confirmed was written about their romance.
The song includes lyrics about her loneliness and how she would constantly stare at her phone, waiting for a call, even though she thought they would be together forever, despite the short length of the relationship.
‘That is an anxious attachment style. It’s somebody who takes a relationship and gets swept up in the feelings, losing track of the reality of the length of time you’ve known someone,’ Ms Romero told DailyMail.com.
Ms Romero also said that Taylor’s relationship with Twilight actor Taylor Lautner, which only lasted a few months in 2009, showed similar signs. In Back to December, which fans have speculated is about Lautner, Taylor blames herself for the relationship failing and becomes fearful about it ending before it actually does.
‘You tend to make these incredible relationships in your head that actually aren’t real and aren’t playing out in real life,’ Ms Romero said.
‘This type of pattern needs to be looked at because it is unhealthy.’
Other fans and experts suspect Taylor has a more avoidant attachment style.
This is characterized by avoiding emotional closeness by pushing others away or walking away from a relationship before feelings can form.
Taylor dated musician John Mayer (46) when she was 19 and he was 32. Psychologists said that the song Dear John points to unhealthy obsessions during her relationships with him
Fans speculate that Taylor’s 1989 was written about musician Harry Styles, whom she dated from late 2012 until early 2013
Raul Haro, a licensed marriage and family therapist at Pathways Recovery Center in California, said that Swift’s dating history suggests a more avoidant attachment style. ‘Taylor Swift’s propensity to jump from one relationship to the next with high-profile celebrities is interesting,’ he told DailyMail.com.
‘This could indicate an avoidant attachment style, as people with this attachment style often find it difficult to maintain long-term relationships and prefer short-lived, exciting romances.’
‘The media has given close attention to Taylor Swift’s previous relationships and public breakups, which may have added pressure or contributed to her attachment style.’
Mr Brown said that while Taylor shows signs of both anxious and avoidant attachment, the two styles don’t contradict each other. ‘These two attachment styles aren’t contradictory — they often come together to form what could be described as an anxious-avoidant attachment,’ he said.
‘This is a complex style where individuals often find themselves in a push-pull dynamic: craving closeness yet simultaneously fearing it.’
Melissa Hannan, a trauma therapist in California, suggested the pop star may even have a more secure attachment than fans speculate. ‘Her ability to express her disappointment in her songs reflects her ability to tolerate and accept her emotions as they arise authentically,’ she told DailyMail.com.
‘In more recent albums like 1989 or Reputation, we can observe some growth in attachment style as well.
‘Songs like “Delicate ” explore vulnerability and fear of rejection,’ Dr Williams said.
All the experts who spoke to DailyMail.com celebrated Taylor for her honesty about her feelings regarding intimacy – which they say may help fans to better understand their unhealthy patterns and experiences.
Dr Fabello says: ‘It’s not surprising that people with both anxious and avoidant, as well as disorganized, attachment styles feel validated by her music
‘What Taylor Swift is fantastic at is creating a narrative world – one that explores many aspects of the human experience, including fears of both abandonment and enmeshment.’
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